


Guest Lecture

by CoraClavia



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Idiots in Love, Kathryn Janeway Needs a Hug, Post-Endgame, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoraClavia/pseuds/CoraClavia
Summary: Today, at Starfleet Academy: Admiral Kathryn Janeway.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 45
Kudos: 151





	Guest Lecture

**Author's Note:**

> Very, very loosely inspired by “Three Stories,” a 2005 episode of House, M.D.
> 
> (as always, many thanks to mylittleredgirl for her fantastic beta work)

Jeremy Lesline has never been so excited for a lecture at Starfleet Academy.

He was in his first year at the Academy—in fact, he was half-asleep in his multi-variable calculus class—when a campus-wide message interrupted the professor with news of a starship that had long been thought lost, but was still flying, way out on the other side of the galaxy.

The tale of _Voyager_ swept through the entire Federation, of course, but it set the Academy on fire. The campus was alive with stories and rumors, and every time a new portion of excerpted logs was released, everyone scoured them for whatever details they could glean.

And now, since the ship made it back to the Alpha Quadrant almost a year ago, every news show on every screen has featured stories and reports and interviews with anyone and everyone available. It’s taken a while for _Voyager’_ s captain—admiral, now—to find time among all the many public appearances, but she’s finally on the schedule for an Advanced Command lecture.

The AdCom cadets have been ordered to familiarize themselves with her Starfleet record, and Jeremy has read through it three times already. Even before _Voyager_ , her record was remarkable; she seems to have a bit of a reckless streak, but despite multiple appearances before review boards to explain her more “creative” command strategies, she’s received plenty of accolades. He’s heard rumors that Picard once intended to tap her for first officer of the _Enterprise_ before ending up with Riker.

And sure, Admiral Janeway is everyone’s hero, not just Jeremy’s. He knows that.

But after three years of his buddies cheerfully yelling “Hey, Farmboy!” whenever they see him, he’s feeling pretty good about his hometown today.

Because Jeremy grew up in Indiana, just like Admiral Janeway.

* * *

The lecture is still almost half an hour away, but the hall is already packed. Capacity is usually under fifty for Command lectures, but even with the strict caps on which students are allowed to attend, today’s lecture has drawn dozens more cadets than usual.

Jeremy’s girlfriend Ilona twists in her seat, looking around them. “This is amazing.”

“Yeah, I don’t even think Picard got this big of a crowd.”

Ilona nods absently, still looking around. One of her cousins was on _Voyager_ , Jeremy knows. They’ve both scoured the ship’s logs (at least, what’s been declassified). Ilona’s skipping an exobiology lecture to be here right now.

As the last few cadets take their seats, the lights go down, focusing everyone’s attention on the stage, and the dean of academic affairs, Admiral Ton’ar, walks up to the speaker’s podium.

“Thank you all for coming.” He scans the room with sharp eyes. “I’m guessing we have a few non-command students who have snuck in, but we’ll let it go. This one time.”

Muffled laughter ripples across the lecture hall, and Ilona smiles guiltily. Sneaking into command lectures is pretty common practice, depending on how popular the speaker is. There are a few engineering students who have perfected the manufacture of counterfeit ID tags. Ilona has hers tucked inside her jacket right now, and Jeremy recently used his to sneak into the administration building with his roommates and fill Commandant Tintallen’s entire office with three hundred tiny cups of water.

“So, to all of you, licit attendees and otherwise, welcome. Command instructors, we’ll have pertinent materials sent to you before your next series of classes.” Ton’ar pauses, glancing offstage. “Now, I doubt she needs any introduction, so please welcome Admiral Kathryn Janeway.”

The lecture hall erupts into applause, and Jeremy cranes his neck to see clearly as the most famous officer in all of Starfleet walks onto the stage.

She smiles graciously as the applause eventually dies down. “Thank you. Yes, thank you.” She pauses for a moment. “So Dean Ton’ar says that _some_ of you –” She fixes the audience with a stern look. “–have snuck in against the rules.”

Jeremy, who did not sneak in, still shrinks in his seat a little. Her glare is terrifying.

But then the admiral laughs. “Don’t worry. I’m flattered, to be honest. I trained as a science officer before command school, but I snuck into my fair share of command lectures, back in the day.”

A ripple of laughter goes through the lecture hall, and even Admiral Ton’ar is grinning.

* * *

After the lecture proper (a fascinating recounting of some of _Voyager’_ s more precarious adventures) is over, two cadets in the front row immediately hurry to pull out a chair for her, and Admiral Janeway takes a seat. Even on the stage of a crowded lecture hall, she sits like a captain on a bridge, poised and alert. She has a profoundly easy authority, a sense of command that seems as natural as breathing to her. Sure, he’s watched her recent interviews. But she’s even more awesome in person.

And she’s from Indiana, which automatically makes her the best.

The dean opens up the floor for questions, and as expected, there are plenty of questions about her switch from science to command, her piloting experience, even someone asking about the fossils she found while cave-diving on Mars. The admiral winces at that question. “Yes, it was an adventure. But my mother gave me quite an earful when she found out I’d been doing something so dangerous.”

Jeremy and Ilona grin at each other. They went cave-diving last spring break. Ilona’s mom gave them an earful, too.

The next question comes from Ilona’s lab partner Jesse, who is also skipping exobiology right now. “What advice do you have for someone who’s interested in command, but still figuring it out?”

“Advice?” The admiral thinks for a long moment. “Advice. Well, I guess I’d tell you to work hard in your primary course of study, because you’ll bring all that with you to command school. The best commanding officers I’ve known are also outstanding engineers, scientists, sociologists, and what have you. You’re most effective for your crew when you understand their work.”

Jesse nods slowly. “Yes, ma’am. If I may – what does a captain need to know, to be fully prepared?”

“Everything.” Her answer gets a chuckle from the audience, and Janeway smiles wryly. “The best thing you can do is learn everything you possibly can. As I said: the more you know, the more you understand your ship and your crew and their jobs, the better you are as a commanding officer. Learn everything you can, and surround yourself with the brightest officers who can advise you well in their own areas of expertise. No one goes into command knowing what they’ll see.” She shrugs. “I certainly didn’t. You won’t. That’s part of the territory. Learn what you can, and be ready to learn the rest on the fly.”

“Yes, Admiral. Thank you.” Jesse sits back in his chair.

A few rows away, another cadet raises his hand, and Janeway nods. “Yes, you.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ve been reading Professor Somak’s works, and she makes a big point about keeping emotional distance from your subordinates.”

“Oh, of course,” Janeway nods. “I took her ethics courses.”

“Yes, ma’am. But given how isolated _Voyager_ was out there, did you find that guideline realistic?”

The admiral pauses slowly. A shadow of something crosses her face, Jeremy thinks, but she immediately reverts to her calm expression.

“Yes and no.” She folds her hands on her knee. “You _do_ have to maintain distance, because sometimes you have to give orders you won’t want to, or your crew won’t enjoy. Now, obviously _Voyager_ was an extreme example. But on the ship, your first responsibility is to your crew. Not yourself. Not your friends. Your crew. And sometimes, that means holding back.”

The cadet doesn’t say anything, clearly not sure how to take this. Janeway, who seems like she’s choosing her words very carefully now, continues, “But at the same time, it’s not entirely realistic. We are what we are, and when you work with people, friendships develop. And I can tell you, the people I worked with on that ship are some of the closest friends I’ve ever had.”

“Respectfully, ma’am—” The cadet seems a little nervous. "—I guess I’m not sure how to interpret that.”

The admiral smiles wryly. “I know. Emotional distance is a tricky thing to negotiate, and the goalposts move as you and your crew go through difficult experiences. I guess the thing to consider is that at the end of the day, you have to be able to make the decisions that need to be made. And any relationship—” She pauses, her eyes flicking down for a moment, her voice uncertain. "—that is, any _friendship_ , that gets in the way of that, is one that it’s best not to indulge in.”

The cadet blinks. “Whoa.”

“There are times it’ll seem thankless,” she says very quietly. “You’ll want things you can’t have. But sitting in that chair means that you make the sacrifices you have to, in the service of your crew.”

A soft murmur washes across the hall. AdCom students all end up reading Somak’s works—Jeremy’s read a lot of them already—but the dry, sculpted prose usually reads like a philosophical treatise.

Jeremy had never really stopped to consider being alone on the other side of the galaxy, trying to cling to the principle of Appropriate Emotional Distance, all the while knowing that the only people you have to talk to are the ones you have to keep at elbow length.

After a long moment of quiet, one of the older AdCom students raises his hand, waiting for the admiral to nod at him.

“Have you ever had to make a decision that you didn’t want to, and how do you deal with potential backlash from subordinates?”

The question seems to hit her hard.

She pauses, her gaze flitting around the stage like she’s not entirely sure where to look. It seems strange, Jeremy thinks. It doesn’t fit. She’s been so warm, so engaging.

But suddenly, for just a moment, she looks like she doesn’t want to be here.

“Yes.” When she finally speaks, it’s very, very quiet. “Mutiny isn’t very common. But resentment? That happens all the time. And one of the hardest things about command is knowing that your crew resents you—resents a decision you made—and knowing that they’re right to do resent you.”

The cadet blinks nervously. “Ma’am?”

She fixes him with a keen, cool gaze. “I assume you’ve read the logs. You know how _Voyager_ ended up in the Delta Quadrant?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Do you think every single person on my crew approved of my decision to destroy that array?”

The cadet opens his mouth, but then shuts it.

“Put yourself in your subordinates’ shoes,” the admiral says. “Imagine you’re serving on a ship. You were assigned to this crew for three weeks. And then suddenly, your captain makes the decision, without any warning, to strand you across the galaxy, condemning you to a lifetime away from everything and everyone you love. What would you think?”

“She made the right decision.”

The room goes dead silent, and every head swivels back to look at the speaker. Jeremy turns to see it’s a man in a command red uniform, four pips in his collar, sitting at the far end of the back row. Tall, broad-shouldered, with bronze skin, dark hair, and a tattoo on his left temple.

It’s Captain Chakotay, Jeremy realizes. Janeway’s former first officer. The Maquis leader she was sent to capture.

Jeremy looks back up at the admiral, whose eyes have gone wide. It looks like she wasn’t expecting this.

“And,” Captain Chakotay continues, his eyes never wavering from the admiral’s face, “I’d hope she knew that her crew ultimately did support her, because her decision saved thousands of lives.”

“It _cost_ a lot of lives.” The admiral’s voice is very quiet.

“It was a no-win situation. You did the right thing. And I’ll tell you that as many times as you need to hear it.”

“You’ve always been good at sharing your opinions.” She raises an eyebrow. “Not always so publicly, though.”

“I’ve always respected you too much to lie to you.”

“Even when I probably wanted you to.”

The entire lecture hall is absolutely silent. Dozens and dozens of cadets watch, wide-eyed, looking back and forth between the admiral and her former first officer. Captain Chakotay stands, stepping into the aisle, walking towards the stage.

“I didn’t realize you were taking a command course these days,” the admiral says, a hint of a smile on her mouth. “Brushing up on the basics?”

“I heard my favorite admiral was lecturing today. Couldn’t miss it.”

“How is it so far?”

Captain Chakotay grins at that, his whole face brightening. “Very enjoyable.”

“Not that it’s not nice to see you, _Captain_ ,” the admiral says, lingering over the syllables of his rank like it’s an inside joke, “but this is a question-and-answer. Do you actually have a question, or should I call for security?”

“I have a question.” Chakotay cocks his head. “What would you tell a cadet about the importance of work-life balance?”

Janeway’s eyes narrow, and Jeremy wonders exactly what she’s thinking, but she just relaxes, sitting back in her chair.

“A dear friend once told me that even the eagle needs to rest.” Her mouth turns upward, a small, crooked, self-conscious smile. “Hard advice to take. Maybe I should have listened.”

Jeremy can’t ignore the nagging feeling that they’re in their own world right now, talking over the heads of every other person in the room, as if everything else is just noise, and it’s nothing but the two of them.

“Admiral, I have a question,” he blurts out before he can stop himself. “Now that you’re back. Are you happy?”

Jeremy regrets the question the moment it escapes him—Ilona slaps his arm—but it’s too late. The admiral looks stricken, her face frozen in an expression he can’t quite read.

“I—” She’s floundering, and in that moment, Jeremy knows, with absolute clarity, that she is about to tell a lie. “Yes. I am.”

* * *

Admiral Ton’ar announces the end of the lecture, and after an enthusiastic standing ovation that makes the admiral smile sheepishly, her cheeks pink, she leaves the stage, and the cadets turn to leave, buzzing excitedly.

Ilona’s roommate Lari waves them down as she walks past. “Okay, tell me what you think, because Dav and I are trying to decide if Janeway and Chakotay were ever together.”

Jeremy shrugs. “How would we know?”

“See, I think they were,” Lari says, “and Dav said she agrees with me.”

Ilona shakes her head slowly. “I…don’t think so.”

“What? Why not? Didn’t you see the way he looked at her?”

“I’m not saying there’s nothing there,” Ilona explains, “but remember my cousin? She says the crew is like ninety-nine percent sure they never did.”

“Bullshit.”

“Seriously,” Ilona insists. “Maria said she thinks they probably wanted to, but they wouldn’t. Most people would, but those two? They just…they wouldn’t.”

Lari still looks skeptical, but Ilona just shrugs. “Just telling you what I heard.”

* * *

After the lecture ends, Jeremy finds the hallway bathrooms are crowded.

Jeremy, however, knows how to unlock the VIP restroom connected to the private lounge beside the lecture hall.

He’s just finishing up, washing his hands, when he hears the outer door open and shut. Uh-oh. There’s no way out but through the lounge. He’s stuck. He might get caught.

But then he hears voices. Two of them.

Sure enough, as he peeks cautiously through the half-open door, he sees Admiral Janeway and Captain Chakotay. They’re…whoa. They’re standing _very_ close together, staring at each other like there’s nothing else in the entire world.

“You lied, Kathryn.”

“Chakotay—”

“You lied.” Chakotay’s voice is soft, but there’s steel under it. “You’re not happy.”

Jeremy freezes.

“We’re all worried about you,” her former first officer continues. “All of us. Starfleet’s been trotting you out for interviews, and you put on a brave face. And you say we’re your best friends, but you haven’t talked to any of us in weeks.”

The admiral takes a step back, turning from his direct gaze. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“It’s not your problem.”

“I saw you do this once,” he says, his voice low. “I know you put up walls and shut people out when you’re hurting. And I’m not letting you do it again. _Please_ , Kathryn. Just talk to me.”

“Talk, huh?” The admiral sounds wary. Jeremy can hear exhaustion in her voice. “What should I say?”

“The truth.”

There’s a long pause, and just when Jeremy’s thinking the admiral is going to brush him off, she lets out a deep, shaky sigh.

“What do you want to hear? That I’m lonely? That it feels like I came back to see that everyone except me has a life, and the minute the cameras are off, I feel like I stop existing?”

“Kathryn—”

“That sometimes I think, after everything I did, I’ll never be happy, because I don’t deserve it?”

Her voice breaks on the last words, escaping her in a whisper, and if she says anything else it’s lost as Captain Chakotay wraps his arms around her and pulls her into a tight hug, pressing his face to her hair in a gesture so simple and intimate that Jeremy feels guilty just witnessing it.

This strong-willed, determined, heroic woman, the pride and joy of the entire fleet, is _crying_.

Jeremy knows he shouldn’t be watching, but he just can’t bring himself to look away. He’s wondered, sometimes. Wondered what it would be like to command a ship for seven years, discovering new worlds like the old days. Battling enemies. Barking _Battlestations!_ and _All hands, brace for impact!_

He never stopped to realize that the captain of that ship might be the loneliest person in the entire galaxy.

After a long moment, the admiral pulls back, looking up at Captain Chakotay with watery eyes, her hands still gripping his shoulders like he’s her lifeline. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He brushes her hair behind her ear. “You’re the strongest person I know. You devoted your whole life to the good of everyone else, for seven years. You deserve to be happy. Whatever it takes, you deserve that.”

She slides one hand over his shoulder, coming to rest on his chest, above his heart. “You really believe that?”

“I always have.”

Janeway takes a breath. “You were always too good to me.”

“You were never good enough to yourself,” he says gently. “You should listen to your own advice, Kathryn. Work-life balance is important.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“And if you don’t start taking care of yourself –”

Before he can finish, the admiral takes his face in her hands, tugs him down to her level, and kisses him.

Jeremy immediately looks down at his boots, feeling his face getting hot. He silently wonders if he can beam himself out. Unfortunately, no one knows he’s in here.

After a long moment of desperately trying not to listen, he looks back out to see that they’re just now pulling apart, and as embarrassed as he is to be spying on this intensely private moment, Jeremy can’t help noticing how…shy they both look. Almost self-conscious, he thinks.

The admiral’s the first one who speaks. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

He smiles at that, his hand still on her cheek. “Seven years?”

“Something like that.” She rubs his shoulder absently with one hand, a gesture so fond and familiar that Jeremy _knows_ she’s done it before. “Did you ever imagine our first kiss would be at Starfleet Academy?”

That makes Chakotay laugh. “Definitely not. But I’m not complaining.”

He leans in to kiss her again, and they’ve clearly gotten past that first-kiss shyness, because this is…not shy. Very not-shy. Enthusiastic. Uh.

Jeremy did not think he’d be seeing Admiral Janeway playing tonsil hockey with her former first officer today.

He’s starting to worry that he might end up seeing and hearing a lot more than he bargained for, but after some pretty high-energy making out, the two of them seem to catch their breath.

They pull apart, grinning at each other like teenagers, and Captain Chakotay asks her, his voice breathless, “Admiral Kathryn Janeway, would you like to go on a date with me?”

She presses a soft kiss to his cheek.

“I’d love to.”

She tucks her arm through his and the two of them walk out together, still beaming at each other.

* * *

Jeremy doesn’t move a muscle until he’s sure they’re gone.

By the time he gets outside, the crowds are long gone, and he jogs across the quad to where Ilona and Lari and sprawled out in the grass, pretending to study while they enjoy the fresh air.

“Hey! Where have you been?” Ilona greets him cheerfully, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “We thought you got lost.”

For a moment, Jeremy wants to tell them what he just witnessed. He could. He could spill it all. Tell Ilona that her cousin _was_ right about Janeway and Chakotay, but that info is now outdated.

But his gut tells him: leave it.

He just watched his hero bare her soul, and it’s something he’ll never forget. She had no idea he was there, and he can’t bring himself to embarrass the woman who put her life on hold to guide her ship home.

So he just shrugs. “Nah. I just walked slow.”

* * *

_one week later_

Jeremy pauses outside the administration building, checking to make sure his uniform is tidy, before bounding up the steps two at a time, ducking inside, and making a beeline for the turbolifts.

On the fourth floor, he finds himself in the waiting area for the deans’ offices. The administrative assistant says that the head of cadet affairs is running late and directs Jeremy to one of the chairs nearby, in the open area between the office doors.

He’s only been there for a minute or two when the door opens again, and to his surprise, Admiral Kathryn Janeway walks in.

She pauses at the front desk to talk to the assistant, and then comes to the waiting area. Jeremy scrambles to attention. “Admiral.”

“At ease, Cadet.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jeremy hesitates, but seeing that she’s taking the seat across from him, he sits down again, his back straight as a ramrod, shoulders square. “I, uh, I was at your AdCom lecture, ma’am. Last week. It was great.”

There’s a faraway look on her face. Like she’s thinking about what happened after the lecture. “Oh, thank you.”

“Best one this year, by far.”

She smiles at that. “Well, thank you, Cadet…?” Her voice trails off expectantly.

“Lesline, ma’am. Jeremy Lesline.”

“Mr. Lesline.”

“I’m from Indiana, too.”

“Really?” She smiles. “It’s always good to meet a fellow Midwesterner.”

“Sure is, ma’am. My friends call me Farmboy.”

That gets a chuckle out of her. “Ah, they’re all just jealous. Indiana’s beautiful.”

“Couldn’t agree more, ma’am.”

She settles back in her chair, crossing her legs. “So what are you here for?”

“I was called in to talk to Dean Evans, ma’am.”

“The dean of cadets’ affairs? Are you in trouble, cadet?”

“Well, apparently, someone got into the commandant’s office and filled it with tiny cups of water.”

She laughs at that, an open, hearty laugh that escapes before she manages to school her features into a less obvious expression of amusement. “Oh, that’s delightful.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jeremy says. But then she arches an eyebrow, and he mentally swears at himself. “I mean, if I’d done it. Which I didn’t.”

“Uh-huh.” The admiral is looking at him like he’s an idiot, but at least an idiot she doesn’t mind having around. “Pro tip, cadet? Work on your delivery before you go in there.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He can feel his ears getting red.

“Tiny cups of water, huh?” She nods thoughtfully. “It wouldn’t be easy to get into the commandant’s office. You’d probably need some kind of ID chip to get around the security system, and it’d have to be programmed to jam the sensors long enough to give you time to set everything by hand. Even if you could override the buffers in this building, transporters are too easy to trace.”

“Yes, ma’am. And then it would probably be good if it wiped the last three hours of sensor logs, just to be safe,” Jeremy agrees. “Hypothetically.”

That earns him a crooked smile. “Pranks have a storied tradition at Starfleet Academy, Mr. Lesline. So long as you don’t get caught.” She holds up a single warning finger. “I take it you’ve heard of the Patterson prank?”

“Yes, ma’am! The math professor, right? I can’t believe his entire hovercar actually fit in his office. The person who did it wasn’t caught, were they?”

“No.” Janeway pauses for a moment, then—“She wasn’t.”

Jeremy’s mouth falls open.

But before he can muster up a response, one of the office doors nearby opens, and Dean Ton’ar walks out, followed by Captain Chakotay.

The admiral brightens as she sees them. And sure, Ton’ar’s a swell guy, but Jeremy is one hundred percent sure that the academic dean is not the person responsible for the way Admiral Janeway’s eyes suddenly light up and a smile curves her mouth.

But then, Jeremy also has inside information about who the admiral kissed last Thursday. So it’s an educated guess.

“Admiral,” Ton’ar greets her. “Nice to see you again.”

“And you.” She turns to her former first officer. “I take it the interview went well, _Captain?”_

He grins at that, his whole face written over with obvious adoration for this woman, and Jeremy finds himself wondering: _How many times did he call her ‘Captain’ like that?_

“That’s ‘soon-to-be Professor’ to you, Admiral.”

Chakotay and Admiral Janeway are glowing, smiling at each other, and yet again, Jeremy feels like he and Ton’ar and the assistant at the main desk have all just vanished. It’s just the two of them, two people who just _know_ each other, like they’ve transcended normal verbal communication and they’ve mutually acquired selective telepathy.

Ton’ar bids them good day and heads back into his office. The admiral tucks her arm in Chakotay’s, but pauses to look back at Jeremy. She’s still smiling, her eyes sparkling.

She looks _happy._

“Good luck, Mr. Lesline.”

“Thank you, Admiral.”

She and Captain Chakotay walk out together, and Jeremy stares after them for a long moment before digging out his personal communicator and sending a message to Ilona. _Just talked to Adm Janeway outside dean’s office_

Ilona’s response comes almost immediately. _HOLY SHIT is she as cool in person??_

Jeremy grins. _coolest person I’ve ever met_

_sounds like someone has a crush_

He chuckles, because he happens to know with some authority that Admiral Janeway is spoken for. _don’t worry babe. you’re stuck with me._

A door opens near him, and Jeremy hears Dean Evans’ booming voice. “Cadet Lesline?”

“Right here, sir.” Jeremy jumps to his feet, tugging his uniform top smooth.

“Come in, Cadet.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jeremy takes a deep breath.

Time to avoid punishment, not get expelled, graduate from the Academy with flying colors, and eventually become the _second_ best Starfleet captain from Indiana.


End file.
